Solo

Oct. 14th, 2017 03:01 am
pinesandmaples: A picture of freckles, in the shape of a heart.  (love: freckles)
[personal profile] pinesandmaples
At 32, there are all of these things I know to be true about myself bubbling up that just make so much sense. They are so congruent with the core of how I know myself to be. They align with the vision of my future that I had at 15-16-17, and they are so very right.

But all of these wee truths are socially opposite and counterintuitive to the norms that we hold dear in this world. Things like wanting separate bedrooms when I live with a lover (but being very okay with sharing beds) or living in a house that allows for lots of social contact instead of leaving my house to find it.

I find myself enjoying my own company more and more as long as I can also step into social situations when I need the warm embrace of known company. But I also like walking into a large event by myself. Just me. Only me.

There is a sense of completeness that I am enjoying these days. All of these smaller actions are me, being complete and whole as myself. The smaller completenesses allow me to be in relationships, in friendships, in community.

Everyone says that your 30s is a time of revelation and wholeness, but I didn't believe it. I am so glad to be here, now. (I'm also astoundingly grateful I am not here with children. I cannot imagine how different the world would be if I were doing this journey of discovery as a parent instead of as a single person, building a better me. Hashtag selfish.)

(no subject)

Oct. 11th, 2017 10:43 pm
sorcyress: Just a picture of my eye (Me-Eye)
[personal profile] sorcyress
I just ended my eight-year relationship with Sparr.

He did not do anything I would deem abusive, I consider him safe to date and interact with and will be attempting to stay his friend, if that's something we can do.

I don't want to talk about it any more than that right now.

~Sor
moop.

Palimpsest (Unrefined?)

Oct. 9th, 2017 07:00 pm
sorcyress: Just a picture of my eye (Me-Eye)
[personal profile] sorcyress
He called me a palimpsest
As he put his own marks over the traces of bruises
Left on my breast
By another boyfriend, on another day.

And I smile and tilt my head and ask
(because I was sure I knew the word, until I was asked to define it)
"What's that?"

A new document written on top of an old.
Like teeth marks and welts
Bright red on fading purple-green.
Like kisses on lips
That yesterday kissed another.
Like a love that doesn't go away
Just because I've loved before
And doesn't erase the feelings I have for him or him or them or her.

And I am a palimpsest
I am so many layers of so many stories
Built on my skin, a stack of memories
of touch
and caress
and bite
and kiss
Each their own moment.
Their own gift to my body.

A new document written on top of an old.
Not erasing
Enhancing.

And I know I am loved.

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diego001

May 2009

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